Monday, October 24, 2005

I have to confess, I burned my bagel twice today. In a row. The first time was typical and excusable: I'd occupied myself typing happily here at my computer until the charred victim's screams finally reached my nostrils. With a semi-frantic dash to the toaster oven, I assessed the incinerated carcass and emptied the toaster oven contents into trash can, swiftly, in order to avoid burnt fingers and cover up the crime.

Guiltily, I popped in a second bagel, aware of the fact that George would notice two were now missing from the bag, and I would have to admit that I burned one. He had warned me earlier--on four separate occasions, mind you--that this new oven toasted things really fast, to which I scoffed, "Oh yeah, like that's the most incredible oven I've ever seen. And you've said that four times already, gosh!" Continuing, I teased him for showing signs of premature senility.

I'm not sure exactly how much time elapsed during the second offense; I forget. I returned to my seat at the computer, glanced over my shoulder at the glowing window, and saw once again a black object where a golden brown one should be. The repetitive nature of my folly is embarrassing; the demise of Bagel Number Two was identically dismal.

Should I try again? I'm a violinist; I inserted Bagel Number Three. This time, I watched. You know what they say about a watched pot never boiling, right? Have you taken the time out of your schedule to focus on a bagel long enough to watch it toast? Normally, I would call this an arduous task, but not today. It wasn't like watching leaves change color. It wasn't like watching stubble grow on a chin, or even like watching a sunset. No, it unfolded more like a time lapse in a science film. In about fifteen seconds, the edges started to tan. Two more, and the middle began to brown. In a total of only twenty seconds, the bagel had achieved deep sienna. I've never seen anything like it.

Three bagels later, I guess George was right after all. At least it didn't take four times to figure it out.

11 Comments:

Blogger Lucky Charmz said...

Your post sounds like my life with my cranky toaster. I cannot get it right, and whenever I do someone changes the settings on me.

5:13 PM  
Blogger puffintoad said...

Perhaps the lesson is about focus. If I manufactured fortune cookies, I would have one that says, "Your focus will grant you golden brown bagels."

...Alternatively, I could write one that says, "Your lack of focus will cost you a bagel or two."

5:20 PM  
Blogger CamoBunny said...

"though a watched pot never boils, an unattended bagel will end in charred destruction"

10:21 PM  
Blogger ambiguous wanderer said...

Sounds like what happened to my tattie scones. Are the burnt bagels just burnt on the surface or are they completely burnt to the core? Did you do a post mortem on the burnt bagels to find out what degree burnts they suffered? If those burnt bagels were burnt completely, can they be smashed into crumbs and strewn onto a flower bed and hence, be made into fertilizer? Will they make good fertilizer?

Sorry, I'm in a ridiculous mood today but if you do manage to answer those questions, I shall applaud you.

Ps: On another matter, what's your opinion on commercialised musicians?

11:34 PM  
Blogger puffintoad said...

Actually, the remnants had only surface wounds, and were perfect for the dog to scavenge later when we weren't looking.

Ambiguous wanderer, have you ever visited violinist.com? This is where I keep my violin blog.

I think you'd have to define commercialization. Selling out? Playing watered down garbage to satisfy commercial demands? Playing whatever the heck someone tells you to play in order to get money? I've committed the last act myself. Perfectly justified, of course.

What about using sex to sell classical music? That's what we've been debating on Bram Heemskirk's blog, whether or not female violinists should dress provocatively in order to sell their cd. I say, put food on the cover instead. Either coffee, chocolate, or steak.

1:03 AM  
Blogger ambiguous wanderer said...

Nope, haven't visited your violin blog, but I will now.

Continue that discussion over at violinist.com then?

12:28 AM  
Blogger ambiguous wanderer said...

Comment on violinist.com : Wow! I'm quite speechless right now so I can't come up with a more proper comment. Can I join too?

1:45 AM  
Blogger ambiguous wanderer said...

I can't register at the moment because there's something wrong with my ISP's webmail (just got off the phone with the customer support person there) In the meantime, I'm posting all my questions here.

1:47 AM  
Blogger ambiguous wanderer said...

Registered...and just wondering, who founded violinist.com?

ps: With four consecutive posts, I hope you won't mind my 'spam'

10:03 AM  
Blogger puffintoad said...

Robert and Laurie Niles founded it, and I don't mind if you post here all day long. My blogs overlap sometimes, and I try to keep the other one more violin related.

I can't tell you how much I've learned from that site, not to mention the inspiration I get from the people there. It's a pretty lonely existence as a violinist in a small town here in Alaska.

4:10 PM  
Blogger ambiguous wanderer said...

Ooh, yes. I love the Violin Wikis. And the limericks. :)

7:55 PM  

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